Fir3fli3s

My mind is all over the place right now. This post is going to be a mess, but I need an outlet, so this will have to do. I have so many questions... I used to be so independent. When did I stop loving myself? Why did I let myself be treated this way? What else do I have to give for me to be enough? How did I let this happen? Only 4 months in and I am already having doubts. Can I really go on with the way things are right now? It's 4.49am on a Wednesday and I cannot bring myself to bed. I feel so dirty, ashamed, and unworthy. I don't take such matters lightly, so forgiveness is hard.  I think the time alone in silence has helped me tame my rampant thoughts. Although it doesn't really help extinguish the anger I feel every time my mind drifts back to the root of the problem. Have I not given up enough for you? Have I not been so easy to please? Have I not given you what you ask for? What more do I have to do for you to look at me and see me for who I am? W...